


i aint a kid no more.

by mushroomcow69



Series: t's projection hurt/comfort:) [3]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), mcyt
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Betrayal, Broken Promises, Dead Wilbur Soot, Dream Smp, Dream Team SMP Spoilers, Ghost Wilbur Soot, Ghostbur, Hurt No Comfort, Isolation, Manberg-Pogtopia War on Dream Team SMP Spoilers (Video Blogging RPF), Post-Manberg-Pogtopia War on Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF), Reminiscing, Sad TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Sad Wilbur Soot, Song Lyrics, Suicidal Ideation, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit Friendship, TommyInnit - Freeform, TommyInnit Angst (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit Misses Toby Smith | Tubbo, Trust Issues, Tubbo - Freeform, Wilbur Soot - Freeform, Wilbur Soot and TommyInnit are Siblings, election, implied suicide, minecraft au, no one actually dies dw, sbi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:53:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27910060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mushroomcow69/pseuds/mushroomcow69
Summary: tommy remembers what it was like before the exile. before he lost his best friend.
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Series: t's projection hurt/comfort:) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2073444
Comments: 6
Kudos: 142





	i aint a kid no more.

**Author's Note:**

> okay hi i'm back!! so this is something new and ill probably never do something like this again unless yall REALLYYY like it. minecraft real life AUs just aren't really my thing but this arc hit so fuckin close to home i had to write something about it. i know a lot of people (including me lol) dont really like the irl minecraft plot fics n stuff butttttt this is really just tommy remembering what he used to have and being sad lol. back to regular stuff soon, promise!!! hope u enjoy:)
> 
> ALSO this is a songfic! Ivy by Frank Ocean. there will be lyrics in the fic but if you dont like that kinda stuff you can skip over them! same format as the drunk drivers/killer whales oneshot i did since i know alot of u liked that one

Tommy remembers how the grass looked as the sun set, the small footprints forever pressed into the ground around the bench. He remembers how the bamboo around the community house would whistle when it got windy, how they would encompass the sky when he looked up, a swaying green border of home.

_The start of nothing._

He remembers the feeling of the air being knocked out of him as him and Tubbo cannonballed into the lake, water so cold it burned, but laughter so warm it extinguished.

_I had no chance to prepare._

He remembers the feeling of the air being knocked out of him as the same water collapsed around his back, the water now warm in comparison to his suddenly freezing skin. 

_I couldn't see you coming._

Tommy remembers the light in Tubbo's smile as he stood on the podium, the way the corners of his eyes crinkled as he, without a second of hesitation, asked Tommy to lead alongside him.

There was never a second of hesitation. 

_The start of nothing._

He remembers the poison in Tubbo's words, the unrecognizable fire in his eyes as he, without a second of hesitation, pulled everything Tommy had right out from under his feet. 

There wasn't a second of hesitation. 

_I could hate you now._

Tommy remembers the cold overtaking his veins as he watched his best friend disappear behind a blast of bright colors. 

He remembers realizing he could've stopped it, the feeling of his feet hitting the stage right as the last firework went off. 

_It's quite alright to hate me now._

He remembers the flat moonlight cascading over them as they sat on the worn out wood, whispering secrets and stifling giggles until the sky dawned orange and pink.

The murmurs only they'd ever hear, the promises only they'd ever make, the bond only they'd ever have. 

_When we both know that deep down,_

He could never forget the light flowing over the trees, covering ever cranny and corner, the way it seemed so much brighter when he had a partner in crime, the orange and red undertones settling over everything he saw, a thick blanket of blissful rose-colored ignorance. 

_The feeling still deep down is good._

He remembers the tracks of dry skin cascading down his cheeks, worn down and tainted from the hours he spent crying alone in his windowless stone room. 

He knew all too well how to wipe his eyes and put on a smile, coloring his face in loud laughter and crude teasing in hopes the paint would cover the tear marks. 

_If I could see through walls, I could see you're faking._

But he also remembers how Tubbo had been the only one to take a wet cloth to his face, gently wiping away the paint and _finally_ noticing the tears. 

He remembers how before he even knew it, the boy who swore never to trust had let someone weasel under his wall.

_If you could see my thoughts you would see our faces._

He remembers the feeling of having someone unconditionally on his side, and the way it covered his life in a thick fog of optimism. 

He remembers how the days felt shorter, how the lights seemed brighter. 

_Safe in my rental like an armored truck back then._

Tommy was fully aware that he lived through a filter of childlike glee, but so did Tubbo.

They saw the orange undertones and the rose-colored blanket together, and they knew it wasn't the reality, but they didn't have to think about the reality. 

They had each other. 

_We didn't give a fuck back then._

Tommy knows now that he was naive. 

He knows now that there are no red and orange undertones, no peaceful blanket of hope resting over the trees.

He knows now that the moon doesn't cascade over the grass so he can feel at peace, that the sky doesn't dawn orange and pink but gray and mundane.

He knows now that he was stupid to ever let himself trust. 

_I ain't a kid no more._

Tommy knows now, as he sits on the sand, dirtied and alone, that childlike glee was never anything more than a deception. 

_We'll never be those kids again._

"Hey Will?" Tommy turns his head ever so slightly, looking at his brother over his shoulder. 

"Yeah, Tommy?" Tommy's used to how Wilbur sounds now, the blissful ignorance and childish wonder that apparently comes with dying, a mindset Tommy would give anything to hold again.

Now that he thinks about it, being a ghost might not be all that bad. 

Wilbur forgot when he died. 

Wilbur doesn't know that he went slowly insane.

Wilbur doesn't know he betrayed his family.

Wilbur doesn't know he destroyed his home. 

Wilbur doesn't remember the people who hurt him, or the bonds he can't get back. 

_No matter what I did. my waves wouldn't dip back then._

Tommy looks back to the ground, turning away from his brother and exhaling softly. 

"How do you know when it's too much?"

Wilbur doesn't answer, and when Tommy looks over to him again, there's nothing but sand where he sat. 

_We were friends back then._

**Author's Note:**

> alright im done just had to get that outta my system. as always please please comment they make me very warm and fuzzy and i honestly prob wouldnt feel motivated to write without all ur sweet words:) see u next time with a not minecraft au fic LOL. love u all<3333


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